Apology

Dear Lucifer:

We can’t continue like this. The only way of solving problems is the dialogue.

The angels and me didn’t want to offend you when we made jokes about your hair.

Come on! You have to recognize that mistaking the shampoo with the blue dye was funny!

We didn’t know that you were going to shave your head and go out of heaven. That was very radical! Besides, Hell is not a good place for you.

Please, come here and have a talk with us. We miss you so much.

I hope to hear from you soon

Love

God

The Real Deal

CHARACTERS:

- Pablo López Pinardo as Mike

- María Gómez Piris as Amy

- Andrea Amaya García as Sarah

- Lucía Kasner Tourné as Becky

(Sound: music)

Mike: Welcome to today’s programme in which you’ll discover the most interesting and useful products!!

Amy: Exactly Mike! Today´s one is especially wonderful! I would even say the year’s product! Your best friend from now on to the rest of your life!!

Sarah: Are you ready?!!

(Sound: Crickets)

Sarah: I can’t hear you!! Are you ready?!!

(Sound: No)

Sarah: Let’s go!

(Sound: Cavalry charge)

Amy: Here we have the new LPC charger!!!

Mike: This charger is the most efficient charger in the world. With it your phone battery will last 5 days without any cable!!

Amy: In fact, we are already using that charger in our phones and we can ensure you that it’s, honestly, the best charger in the world!

Sarah: Now! If you have any doubts about this product, pick up your phone and call us!! We would be happy to answer all your questions.

Amy: You just have to dial the number. 207-123-4567. I repeat 207-123-4567.

Mike: We have our first call! ... Hello! Who am I talking to?

Becky: Hi! My name is Becky. I’m from San Francisco. Good morning San Francisco!! Hello mom! I love you!

Amy: Well. What’s your question, Becky?

Becky: Right. What would happen if you charge half of the battery with your charger and the other half with a normal charger? Would it last two days and a half? Which one is stronger? For how long do I have to charge my phone with your charger if I want to have the whole battery? Could my house catch in fire if I leave the charger plugged in without the phone? What…?

Mike: Wow, one by one please Becky. About mixing the effects of our charger and a normal one, the LPC charger uses the others’ power. So, using another charger would be a complete waste of time. You should get rid all the chargers you have at home because from now they are useless.

Becky: Mmm… OK, I’ll do it! (2 silent seconds) Done!

Amy: Next question! It was about the time you need to charge your phone, wasn't it?

Becky: Yes, exactly!

Amy: Great. In the worst case, you’ll need twelve months, but normally you’ll only spend a year.

Becky: Isn't it the same?

Amy: Mmm… well, that is another way of seeing it.

Becky: A whole year for only five days?!

Amy: Oh yeah baby, but think about those great days! They will be amazing!

Becky: But… but… I just got rid of all my old chargers...

Sarah: OK, next question. You were worried about what would happen if you leave the charger plugged in. Don’t worry. It would be there for the whole year. That charger is going to be a part of your house. Like your pet… or a son… Don’t worry, it won’t explode, except if you have something made out of wood at home because it produces a chemical reaction that makes it explode.

Becky: Mmm… But my floor is wooden. Is that a problem?

Sarah: Mmm… I don’t think so! Wooden floors don’t have any wood. It is all made by plastic...

Becky: Feew…Now, I am relieved.

(Sound: applauses)

Becky: But… I still having questions.

Mike: OK Becky, come on!

Becky: What would happen if…

(Sound: Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep)

Mike: Mmm Becky, Becky…?

(Sound: NO BATTERY)

Sarah: OK, we are having some technical problems. Our phones are running out of battery.

Mike: (Whispering) But… we are in the first day after a whole year of charging.

Amy: (Whispering) Shh, be quiet! ….. (Normal voice) If you want to ask other questions, please write to our email.

Mike: Take note. fraud@gmail.com. Again: f-r-a-u-d@gmail.com. That’s all for today folks. See you in the next programme .We will talk about the flying car. We can’t wait for it!

All together: BYEEEEEE

(Sound: music)

Being In Love

Today is Peter and Carol’s wedding. He was cheating on his girlfriend. He had paid for some spies trying to avoid his lover disrupt the wedding.

Amy- Peter’s lover- usually wears scruffy, old fashioned… A sex’s symbol! Today she was in the church. She had been working for a long time. The spies didn’t notice her presence.

Suddenly, they were in silence. She interrupted the priest and she said: ‘There are eight Carol’s lovers here’. Do you marry me, Peter?

Achieving Aims

It was 2098. Teachers were absolutely irritated with some children. I was working at The Torment School. Children there were rude, impolite, lazy, disrespectful… definitely, spoilt children!

We had an idea. We went to excursion- To HELL! There they’ll be punished with hard tasks as mopping, sweeping or simply, be quiet!

When the time had finished, my pupils didn’t want to go back.

They had been enjoying a head massage with delicious fragrant shampoo. Now they had all they wanted, two big devil’s horns!

Respectful

Finally I´m in the Louvre Museum! I´m in love with art. I can´t understand why some people come to the museums drinking and walking as if they were in the park. I hate those people...

I´m in front of the Mona Lisa! I’m getting dizzy. 

Someone offers me a Red Bull!

That´s very disrespectful! We are in front of a marble!

Such is my annoyance that I punch the Red Bull.

Damned! The Red Bull is opened...

Seeing the disaster I start running away, sweating and screaming... As if I were a baby in the park... I hate those people...

The Perfect Paella

She was always complaining about how he made paella. He had made a huge effort that morning just for her. When he placed the plate of paella on the table, he was excited. It would be the first time that his wife would like his paella. He was wrong, as always. She wrinkled her nose. Extremely angry he threw it out the window. And the paella too.

The Job Interview

I had a job interview. I was running to get there on time. When I went through a narrow street, a kind of yellow rice fell on top of my head. That was it for my interview. Some got in my mouth, "paella" I thought. When I looked up to see where it was coming from I saw a woman falling from the building screaming at the top of her lungs.
"Someone threw her through the window" Said the police when they got to the scene. "I guess he didn't like the paella" I replied trying to be funny...